JWhiting.com

A comedian buddy of mine recently launched a monthly themed storytelling event at Le Cagibi.

The inaugural storytelling theme was “the law” and I got on board both because I’ve been I’ve been buried for a long time in solitary writing and because the topic hit a nerve. The extent to which modern conservative governments are flagrantly breaking the law really upsets me.

I originally wanted to do a bunch of short stories about the scandals that are linked to up above, but time got the better of me. I only managed to bang out one before the June 26th reading.

The event was, I think, a big success. There was some comedy, some drama and some dramedy.

I thought it’d be fun to post up the story that I read that night along with a song that I think works well with the theme.

Hope you like it…

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Over the past week my Videotron connection has been up and down without warning. This particularly sucks because when Videotron goes out, both my home phone and my internet go down at the same time.

Here’s what happened when I tried to get in touch with Videotron’s tech support via chat this morning (notice that they have removed the timestamp from their previous chat interface).

I haven’t really spoken about it here, but I spent much of last year and the beginning of this year writing my first novel. So far the book-writing process has been both highly satisfying and deeply maddening. Luckily the highs have outnumbered the lows. And one of those highs came on Friday via the mail.

For all of its life so far the book that I’ve been writing has only existed in my head and on the computer screen. No one else (including my best buddy life-partner) has seen or read a word of it… Until now. [Cue the dramatic music.]

Late last night after piloting our new electric scooter through the mean streets of Montreal, Jeanne and I laid eyes on the first-ever printed pages of The Virus Makers.

I finished the first draft of this Young Adult novel at the end of March and my soccer-loving, boy-fathering, cousin-in-law Peter Coles kindly offered to print it up for me. Pete’s the VP of Sales and Marketing at Arcprint (and imaging) and it seemed appropriate that the book be birthed back in Vancouver where I first started writing it in the spring of 2006.

I’ll speak more about the book in, I’m sure, way too many subsequent posts, but for now I just want to fête the newly corporeal block of text that is the first draft of The Virus Makers!

I’m going to be doing some writing today for King Features’ Betty Boop franchise and, like the good writer-boy that I am, I spent some time last night researching the brand. I loved what I found.

Betty Boop started out her cartoon life as a dog-like creation of Max Fleischer (an animation legend who helped bring Popeye, Superman and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer to life).

Boop first appeared in the early 1930s sporting a decidedly 1920s style — it was all about the saucy little flapper dress, jazz beats and wry winks to sexily intoxicated good times. Eventually she was toned down (yet another black mark on the morality police) and her popularity waned.

One thing that makes Betty Boop’s earlier cartoons so great was that, unlike other movie-makers at the time, Max Fleischer wasn’t afraid to work with black musicians.

Check out the incredible1933 Betty Boop cartoon Snow White below (not to be confused with the Disney version that came out four years later: You can read Time’s 1937 review of that movie here).

Fleischer’s inspired version of Snow White features an incredible section with Koko the Clown dancing in a skeletal underworld. Koko was voiced by none other than Cab Calloway doing an amazing version of St. James Infirmary Blues…

(This film was chosen for preservation by the U.S. Library of Congress in the National Film Registry in 1994.)

Up to this point, this site has been a sort of clearinghouse for my random fascinations. It helped me get a handle on blogging, RSS, using Wordpress etc. It allowed me to rant at Videotron. And now things are going to change a bit.

Over the next little while I’ll be modifying the look-and-feel of the site as well as its focus. The site (now simply jwhiting at jwhiting.com) will serve as my professional face-to-the world.

Although I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea, in order to advance a big-ish project that’s coming down the pipe I have to get into the business of self-promotion. Expect some more talk about my writing and what I’m up to and less about my gift wishes and what I’m laughing at. Also expect the site to look a bit wonky and going up and down before everything gets back on track.

Thanks.

Jason

Jeanne and I recently became proud owners of a 100% electric Vespa-like thrill ride fun ride called the EVT-168. And if we ever hit the big-time, we hope that the electric vehicle upgrade path leads towards the ready-for-purchase beast above.

I recently wrote about the Tesla Roadster for Lycos and I don’t think they’ll mind if I reproduce the text here where no one will ever notice it (links embedded in the text)…

Tesla Roadster

If the future of transportation looks like this, let’s hit the fast-forward button pronto.

Even though the Tesla Roadster is working through some prototype issues (like trying to find a transmission that can withstand the kick-assedness of an over-powerful engine that supplies continuous torque) the stats on this vehicle are pick-your-jaw-off-the-floor incredible:

0 to 60 mph in under 4 seconds in a 220 mile range, zero-emission, 2¢/mile thrill-ride.

It’s electronic, guilt-free automotive sexiness.

Tesla is planning to offer more modestly priced versions of their cars in the future (the Roadster retails at about $100,000) and is also going to sell fun add-ons like solar panels that can be installed on the roof of your garage that give enough juice to power you through about 50 miles per day. That’s 100% off-the-grid sweetness. George Clooney already has one, shouldn’t you?

(Don’t have the scratch for that kind of electric ride? Why not look into one of the many, ever-improving, electric motorcycles and scooters that are coming down the pipe?)

I usually hate it when Web sites go out of their way to throw up IP filters that let them to change their portal’s content depending on where you’re surfing in from. This sort of “region detection” could be used for good but most often only serves to block content (esp. video) to people visiting from other countries. (What’s even worse is when those same sites won’t serve you the video you want, but will still run the ad that preceeds it, a dirty underhanded bait-and-switch eyeball-slavery move that should be outlawed.) This blocking phenomenon especially pisses me off when the content I’m looking for (i.e. Stephen Colbert, Daily Show and today a Jimmy Kimmel clip) is legally available on the cable airwaves in this country, exactly the same as it is stateside.

There’s no reason why something that’s on the Internet in Kansas shouldn’t be available in Kingston, Khartoum or Kuala Lumpur. It’s not the ‘AmericaWeb’ or the ‘IranNet’ or the ‘ChinaTubes’. It’s the Internet. The whole point is that it should be available everywhere all the time. If you start to parse the Internet out according to any arbitrary set of rules, you rob it of its value, its very reason for being.

That said, imagine how much my ass was chapped this afternoon by this total dick move from Yahoo:

Mere minutes ago, I surf over to ‘my.yahoo.com’ where a specially placed Yahoo banner ad catches my eye. The ad is apparently promoting new skins/themes for the ‘My Yahoo’ page.

The first banner ad I saw said:

“The new backgrounds and layouts are awesome!” - S.

(Click the ad below to see the full-size image:)

Now while I’ll admit that I’m not completely satisfied with my current ‘My Yahoo’ background and layout, it generally takes more than one recommendation by a person who can’t even be bothered to include more than their first initial to convince me to click on a banner ad. I mean who does this ‘S.’ man/woman/dog think they are anyhow?

And that’s when I was hit by the follow up pitch:

“Blows the old one out of the water!” - N.

(Again, click the banner below to see the full-size image:)

I momentarily stumble over the “old one” comment. (I thought we were just talking about backgrounds and layouts… Weren’t there several, albeit mediocre, old ones?) But then I see that this is an entirely new recommendation. Holy shit. Both S. and N. have weighed in on this issue with full-bore exclamation-mark-laden enthusiasm.

What the hell, I decide. If it’s good enough for two of the most common letters in the English language, then it must be good enough for me…

Trembling with anticipatory glee, I click on the exciting yellow ‘Show Me’ button.

Here’s the full-page message that follows:

We appreciate your interest in the new My Yahoo! Beta. Unfortunately it is only open to My Yahoo! users in specific countries.

Um, then why…? But…? Really…? [Sighs, pushes back from computer. Goes to read a book.]

In the spirit of ‘Wintersolsticetime’, I thought I’d tell a quick story about cross-border shopping.

The Wire: Season 4 was just delivered to my door from Amazon.com.

Checking my Visa statement, the purchase, including shipping, cost me $36.40.

If I was to have bought this item at Amazon.ca, it looks like I would have paid, uh, $62.59!

Canadian retailers better get in line. Consumers aren’t stupid.

Happy Yule!

J.

Here’s the “what’s it going to sound like” demo for the new CBC radio series that Jeanne and I pitched to the network back in December.

Over the course of a few weeks, Jeanne and I worked with a variety of microphones, locations, friends and family (thanks to Massimo, DeAnne, Joanne, Graham, George and Beryl). With audio in-hand, the Jeanster and I then huddled together in the bowels of the CBC Montreal mothership with CBC producer Frank Opolko (an all around great guy and comedy radio legend who produced Radio One’s most popular comedy show ever “Madly Off in all Directions”).

The demo has been sent off to Tom Anniko, CBC’s radio ‘decider’. We should hear back by the end of April.

In the meantime, we’d really appreciate hearing what you think about the demo. You can leave your comments right here on this post.

(As always, iTunes users can subscribe to the irregularly updated SDtSU podcast by clicking here. If you don’t use iTunes, you can subscribe to the podfeed by copying this link into your podcast player.)

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I’ve isolated myself up north to get a big chunk of writing done with no distractions. It’s snowing and quiet (except for the sound of a brown dog snoring) and I’m… procrastinating.

So, really quickly, I recently became a member of the Writers Guild of Canada and I wanted to share this story that comes from them…

The History Channel in Canada is granted a broadcasting licence by the CRTC to:

… provide a national English-language specialty service consisting of historical documentaries, movies, mini-series and history programs which embrace both current events and past history, with a special emphasis on documentary and dramatic programs related to Canada’s past.

That mandate seemed to be pretty clear to the History Channel, until some eagle-eyed folks at the WGC noticed that the History Channel had begun broadcasting CSI: New York several times a week.

What does CSI: New York have to do with Canada or, you know, history you might ask? Well that’s what the WGC wondered too. They sent a letter to Atlantis Alliance (owner of the History Channel) and the CRTC asking that same question.

Turns out that Atlantis felt that CSI: New York was a historical show because it takes place in New York a historical city where 9/11 took place.

Say wha? Really? You sure that’s the best thing you could come up with? I’ve seen yoga instructors who can’t pull off that kind of a stretch.

The CRTC recently came down with a ruling and not surprisingly, they’ve asked History Television to stick to, uh, history. From their decision:

the mere fact that the drama is set in a city which was victim to a significant historical event is not a sufficient justification for broadcasting the program on a service that is mandated to be devoted to history programs.

Nice work WGC. And speaking of work, I’d better get back to it…

I have my first Just For Laughs standup show in about 18 hours and all I can think about is that my whatever my future with JFL and comedy is, it’s going to be pretty impossible to top last summer when Jeanne and I were hired to work with John Cleese.

The whole experience deserves a proper long post, but it’s late and I gotta get to bed.

Here’s how it all went down on July 22, 2006…

My long-lost buddy Dan Guterman is a staff writer at The Onion.

Awhile back Dan brewed up this article that was loosely inspired by my own experience with cellphones.

(For the record, that’s not a picture of me and although I’m not really passionately anti-cellphone, the only time I’ve ever owned one was when I was given a company phone while I was working for Airborne Entertainment.)

This is a warning to all you babies out there. I’m on to you. Oh sure you can play dumb and be all, “I only know three words: ‘Uh oh’, ‘Down’ and ‘More,’” but then you’re in my kitchen crawling onto my dog and laughing your ass off as I scramble around like an idiot trying to find the digital camera in time.

Listen up babies: I’m not your trained monkey, you big-headed diaper-wearing bitches. This is a warning.

Hey all,

Whether you and your family celebrate Saturnalia or some more faddish modern tradition, have a really good one. Let’s all meet back here afterwards and swap some delightful tales OK?

You’re the best,

J. Whiting

Jeanne was this month’s featured artist at Montreal Magazine. Check out the short piece here.

Like I said in an earlier post, I went out on Monday night to see Jeanne play some songs with her dad at the Wheel Club’s Hillbilly Night.

A friend of Jeanne’s from Toronto, Richard Ferren, is staying with us and he came along sporting a Stephane Dion pin that he picked up at the Liberal convention. (Richard is a card-carrying Liberal who was supporting Dion from the very beginning.)

When we got to the Wheel Club, Richard’s pin caught the eye of a fiery middle-aged woman who, it turns out, works in Stepane Dion’s office, which until recently was a very intimate affair (4 or 5 people).

This politically passionate woman sat down at our table and Richard and I proceeded to ask her questions for the rest of the night. (I was so engrossed in the conversation, Jeanne was worried that I’d miss her set.)

So what did the Liberal lady say? Well, a lot. And all of it positive. And why am I excited about it? Because she was so genuine. A “low” level staffer who was inspired and gave us a privileged glimpse behind-the-scenes of someone who is suddenly one of Canada’s most powerful political leaders.

So, again, what did she say?

First of all, some stuff that everyone already knows…

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Today I handed in the first draft for a fun little script that’s going to be animated by the same gang that did this amazing spoof on what Quebecers call the Night of the Long Knives.

What I like most about this project is who it’s for and who I’m working with.

The client is Imagine Canada, a group that helps charities and nonprofit organizations “fulfill their missions”. IC hired an amazing young Montreal media company called Blue Horizon Media to get the word out about their new Web site initiative called Values Added and BHM got in touch with me to flesh out the concept and write the script.

I had a great time chatting with Blue Horizon Media’s Creative Director Pablo Salzman who talked about his company’s socially conscious ethos. Among many other things, Pablo said, “We run a not-just-for-profit company.” Excellent.

I’m going to post more about Blue Horizon in the future. I’m especially excited to talk about their project to create a sort of MySpace for people who want to make the world a better place, but I’m running out of time. (Jeanne is playing at the Wheel Club with her dad and I’m late.)

If you want to read the first draft of the script, I’ve put it underneath here, “below the fold”.

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According to the exhaustive timeline that’s available here, it was on this day in 1963 that Lenny Bruce stepped out onto the stage of New York’s Village Theatre (which later became the famous rock and roll incubator, The Fillmore East).

It was a Friday and Bruce was set to kick off four packed-out shows — 11,000 tickets had been sold, and for good reason.

Only one week earlier JFK had been gunned down in Dallas and the country was in a state of shock.

Bruce already had a well-deserved reputation for straying beyond the boundaries of what was considered “decent” and New Yorkers were both giddy and anxious to see what the famously blue comedian would have to say about the assassination.

Bruce’s opening line has been called the greatest current events joke ever told.

But first a bit of backstory.

In 1962 Vaughn Meader, a one-time singer and piano player, got together with some writing and performing buddies to record The First Family, a comedy album that took advantage of Meader’s newfound ability to faithfully mimic the popular U.S. President.

Against all odds Meader’s album, released at the end of October, went platinum before Christmas and one year later had sold an astonishing 7.5 million copies. It even won the Grammy Award for Album of the Year in 1963. In short, it was off-the-charts massive. (More info at Wikipeeds.)

Vaughn Meader gave an interview to the New York Times Magazine where he said:

I was in Detroit the day the album started selling like wildfire. That day “The Ed Sullivan Show” called me, Time Magazine, The New York Times. So I went back to New York, and I was walking past Sam Goody’s and there was a big crowd, all the way out to the middle of Broadway. And when I got closer I heard that they were listening to me — it was mind-boggling. Then it got totally crazy. Just gone. It was just a whirlwind, going here, going there, going here, going there. And playing the game — the star game. It was a blur, you know? I thought I was having the time of my life. Who wouldn’t? Just wine, women and song, you know? But it doesn’t last. And nobody knows when you’re down and out.

And yeah, it didn’t last.

When Lenny Bruce stepped onto the Village Theatre stage, he accomplished the impossible, summing up all the nation’s angst and heartbreak to deliver a JFK joke that was both genuinely funny and touching at the same time. Bruce’s line?

Poor Vaughn Meader.

And Bruce was right. Vaughn Meader never worked as a comedian again.

Happy Anniversary Lenny, Vaughn and JFK. (Thanks to Pete Radomski for telling me about it.)